The chickens have come home to roost OR Italians love with hate

One of the wonderful things about writing a blog is that it is incredibly therapeutic for me. I have always used my writing as a means of processing my thoughts and the things that happen. And of course, laughing heartily at myself and the absurdities of motherhood.

That said, I actually forget others might read this blog... really. I assume sometimes I am just writing, but like so many of my students in the upcoming generation learn the hard way- the interwebs, she is PUBLIC. Even if you set things as private or approval only they can find you and read your blog. And it may be a stranger. Old stalker ex. Student with no boundary understanding... or YOUR MOTHER.
Crap.
So.... I have a tendency to forget that my mother is increasing her skills as a interwebs user. She's on here, folks. Be aware. And likely reading this right now with that thin-lipped disapproval I love so much.
Hi Mom!
What this blog is about is that yes, I say (er, well WRITE) and then think often. I put my foot in my mouth so many times I often forgo shoes to make it easier. Still, nothing on this blog is EVER meant to harm or upset anyone. Yet, it will. And this is life, ladies and gentle... er, guys.

My phone conversation with my mother, at which time she revealed that she did, in fact, READ MY BLOG (yikes) was fairly awkward. I sweated. Then I explained it all very simply to her. It goes like this...

Mom- You mentioned me a few times. BLAH BLAH BLAH ( I say this not in disrespect but as truth- I only heard the sound Charlie Brown's teacher makes. I was thinking OHJESUSOHJESUSOHJESUS).
Me (articulately)- Uh... uh... what blog?
Mom- thewholemotherload
Me- Oh, well, gee... BLAHBLAHBLAH...(no idea what I said. Then this nugget of gold.) Mom, you know Italians love with hate.
Mom- What? What was that?
Me- Yeah, I always say, Italians love with hate.

It really is true and a little sad, but thank JESUS it is funny because she cracked up! 40 plus years married to my beloved father and she had never thought of that.

Phew. Crisis averted. I think.

Crap I hope she likes being featured in my blog.

Ah well. Enjoy your time in the spotlight, Ma. Trust me, the girls are doing crazy things as we speak and it will only be a matter of time before I write all about Potty Training, Sex Education for young girls and why lady parts are named many odd things. Until then- have you called your mothers lately?

lots of LOVE!
- Amanda

When life hands you snow...

From the land of the snowed in family...
  My dream of being a mom always included heartwarming memories of sharing my love of the cold, white stuff. Snow, that is. In an ironic twist... every single time it snows, I (snow lover for life!) am stuck inside. There is a baby to be taken care of nearby, or a napping toddler, or worse both- neither of whom is interested in snow. The real pip is my husband loves snow too! And so does our five year old daughter. So there they go to the snow.... while I watch from inside. Sure, I am warm (and chubby!) but my vision is a bit on the vermillion side. I am happy for their fun but I want so much to be a part of it out there... This speaks so much to the whole concept of motherhood for me.
   For me, motherhood means forgoing your wants often for your children. It is pretty simple. All the airlines say it but you know we all do the same thing- you would put the oxygen mask on your child before yourself. HELLO!!! Someone needs oxygen and there is your sweet little bundle... Not complicated.
   I know it is a bit of a stretch to say forgoing my love of snow is like depriving me of oxygen for my children's benefit... but on some days when I am logy from the inside air, let me tell you, IT IS! I feel bad even admitting this. I know some of you rugged bears out there are saying "Hello! Bring the babies out!" Yes, yes... well, not when they are napping or ill or potty training... etc. Some days you get to make a snow man and your eyes are aglow! Some days you are the mom, cleaning furiously before the snow bunnies come back inside, warming up cocoa and taking pictures.
   Motherhood, the great trade-off.

Some of you have mentioned you like me, uh, I mean... my blog. Thank you! Feel free to subscribe and read my drivel as often as I can ...um... drivel it (?)

On a side note, I have just read an AMAZING book rife with the theme of motherhood. Khaled Housseini's "A thousand splendid suns".
 A Thousand Splendid Suns By Hosseini, Khaled (Google Affiliate Ad)

 I cannot stress enough how much it is worth a read!!! I was so inspired by this book, I constructed a Unit (for you teachers, you know how much work that is! Then I found his free lesson plan and was like... DAMNIT! Oh well. Haha.). I also started writing some metz-a-metz poetry again. Feel free to check me out:
allpoetry.com/Poetsoul78

Until next time... enjoy your snow days from wherever you can. These moments are like snow flakes in a hot cast iron pan! See that. I rhymed. I am Mother Freaking Seuss baby! Only without the racist tendencies!

;D

Positivity, Vomiting and Motherhood

Most of the time, I try to remain affirmative, positive and peppy!
  Please reread that sentence carefully for the loopholes involved. I said "try to remain" but I do not succeed 24/7 or even 12/3.... I would say there are moments of happy in-the-moment positivity couched in the mostly dull, but simultaneously heart-stopping go-Go- GOOOOOO, goddamnit!! Sorry. Mommy didn't mean to say 'goddamnit', dear.

  For example, as I try to write this witty and inspiring blog, I am managing a sick child (my oldest, the Helper who is 5), keeping the middle child (let's call her the Wandering Butterfly, age 3) eating (for the love of god! Why won't she eat ?!?!?!?) and the baby (we call her the Bear, age 1) from escaping her high chair. I am also trying to avoid cleaning while answering phone calls, paying bills and accepting hugs and demands from aforementioned beautiful children... OHMIGOD!!!!

  So I started out wanting to write a beautiful blog inaugurating my research on the history of mothering/motherhood. What I am finding in a cursory search is well... kinda pathetic. (Wince, double wince- once for findings and once for pet peeve use of 'kinda'. What can I say? I am a rule breakin' wannabe English Teacher?)

  Sorry for multiple digressions but these all prove my point, don't they? I remember some good advice, "begin as you mean to go on". Ok, I start my day thinking and hoping "It's going to be a great day!" Sometimes, I admit, I am afraid to hope, but I continue. And Sometimes, sometimes, I get what I get and I don't get upset. And sometimes, I get vomit. Meh. That's motherhood, I guess.

By the by, I think there has never been a true history of motherhood because we are too busy holding back hair on one child while blocking our youngest with our leg from playing in bathroom trash and simultaneously begging the three year old to not watch her sister vomit!

Just a thought.

Check out one of my favorite positive Mom blogs- Michelle Colasante is my hero!!!
This little light

Do the thing that scares you....

Ok dear reader,
   You few who enjoy this post, this one is for YOU.

A friend of mine describes me as a tough lady. Little does she know, I am afraid to hang my feet over the edge of the bed at night. I am afraid of looking behind the shower curtain sometimes. I am afraid of having no friends (facebook numbers seem unreal, don't they?). I am afraid to put my face under water (it just seems unnatural!). I am afraid of unseen bugs (I like to see my enemy coming. And I never want to accidentally eat them or let them make a nest in my ear, thank you Wrath of Khan!). I am afraid of being a bad mother (let those sweeties memories be short!). I am afraid of making a fool out of myself (because I do it daily). I am afraid of catching a ball (experience is the teacher here and I have a bump on the shnoz as reminder). I am afraid of cockroaches (EW!!! It wasn't my trip to Puerto Rico, but NYC that made this one happen). I am afraid of ghosts- even little girl ones. Sorry, but very true. This list could go on if I listed the things I am afraid of on behalf of my girls. AHHHHH!!!!

There are so many things every day that I might not do because of fear. It terrifies me a little to teach. To be a mother. To be a wife. Mainly I am just afraid of failing the people who I love. I am even afraid to write these words because in a way this is my public diary- to a limited audience but still. Yikes!

My redundant point is this- I am apparently perceived as tough (at least by a few), and my perception of myself is much less optimistic. (That's another fear- being too negative) Still, these fears DO NOT stop me from doing things every day. I also try very hard not to let them be my motivator. Fear is an ugly motivation- its effects? War, Poverty, Racism, Homophobia and Celebrity Breakdowns. Seriously. Did you see Katie Holmes lose tons of weight? Pure terror, I swear.

SO this fall, as I begin teaching, commit to running (just typing it made my chest constrict a little) and blogging more often (with a wittier banter, I promise), I commit to you few who read, who laugh with (or even laugh at, hey at least you are reading) and who may feel like me.

Courage is not the absence of fear, merely the choice to overcome it. I am choosing courage. Here we go!


What scares you? Share if you dare!