Just keep swimming....

Today is not an easy day for me to be funny. It's the one year anniversary of losing a beloved uncle and friend. I also just found out I was passed on for a teaching position- AGAIN. Today all I want to do is lay in bed, moan vaguely and eat chocolates (well, first I would have to buy some... oh look! some chocolate chips. Nevermind.) and cry about my life. Frankly, with how sick the girls and I have been, and how little work my husband has had, I could do just that and no one would say anything to my face and might just feel bad for me behind my back. BUT (and I know you don't start a sentence with BUT, but this is a blog! Informal writing! Chill.) I saw an inspirational quote on Facebook, ah Facebook you evil time-sucking site that I love, and the great Jane Austen sums it up.

"Those who do not complain are never pitied." -Jane Austen

Yup, that sums up how I feel. I DO NOT want pity. There are so many people out there today who are suffering in ways that are unfair and unimaginable and I am sad for some pretty silly reasons. So no complaints. And no pity. 

This girl is making lemonade, baby! 

  and finally....

Spoken like a true lady.

Go out there and kick some ass today, Ladies!
It doesn't hurt that it's Friday, either.

 

Positivity, Vomiting and Motherhood

Most of the time, I try to remain affirmative, positive and peppy!
  Please reread that sentence carefully for the loopholes involved. I said "try to remain" but I do not succeed 24/7 or even 12/3.... I would say there are moments of happy in-the-moment positivity couched in the mostly dull, but simultaneously heart-stopping go-Go- GOOOOOO, goddamnit!! Sorry. Mommy didn't mean to say 'goddamnit', dear.

  For example, as I try to write this witty and inspiring blog, I am managing a sick child (my oldest, the Helper who is 5), keeping the middle child (let's call her the Wandering Butterfly, age 3) eating (for the love of god! Why won't she eat ?!?!?!?) and the baby (we call her the Bear, age 1) from escaping her high chair. I am also trying to avoid cleaning while answering phone calls, paying bills and accepting hugs and demands from aforementioned beautiful children... OHMIGOD!!!!

  So I started out wanting to write a beautiful blog inaugurating my research on the history of mothering/motherhood. What I am finding in a cursory search is well... kinda pathetic. (Wince, double wince- once for findings and once for pet peeve use of 'kinda'. What can I say? I am a rule breakin' wannabe English Teacher?)

  Sorry for multiple digressions but these all prove my point, don't they? I remember some good advice, "begin as you mean to go on". Ok, I start my day thinking and hoping "It's going to be a great day!" Sometimes, I admit, I am afraid to hope, but I continue. And Sometimes, sometimes, I get what I get and I don't get upset. And sometimes, I get vomit. Meh. That's motherhood, I guess.

By the by, I think there has never been a true history of motherhood because we are too busy holding back hair on one child while blocking our youngest with our leg from playing in bathroom trash and simultaneously begging the three year old to not watch her sister vomit!

Just a thought.

Check out one of my favorite positive Mom blogs- Michelle Colasante is my hero!!!
This little light

Do the thing that scares you....

Ok dear reader,
   You few who enjoy this post, this one is for YOU.

A friend of mine describes me as a tough lady. Little does she know, I am afraid to hang my feet over the edge of the bed at night. I am afraid of looking behind the shower curtain sometimes. I am afraid of having no friends (facebook numbers seem unreal, don't they?). I am afraid to put my face under water (it just seems unnatural!). I am afraid of unseen bugs (I like to see my enemy coming. And I never want to accidentally eat them or let them make a nest in my ear, thank you Wrath of Khan!). I am afraid of being a bad mother (let those sweeties memories be short!). I am afraid of making a fool out of myself (because I do it daily). I am afraid of catching a ball (experience is the teacher here and I have a bump on the shnoz as reminder). I am afraid of cockroaches (EW!!! It wasn't my trip to Puerto Rico, but NYC that made this one happen). I am afraid of ghosts- even little girl ones. Sorry, but very true. This list could go on if I listed the things I am afraid of on behalf of my girls. AHHHHH!!!!

There are so many things every day that I might not do because of fear. It terrifies me a little to teach. To be a mother. To be a wife. Mainly I am just afraid of failing the people who I love. I am even afraid to write these words because in a way this is my public diary- to a limited audience but still. Yikes!

My redundant point is this- I am apparently perceived as tough (at least by a few), and my perception of myself is much less optimistic. (That's another fear- being too negative) Still, these fears DO NOT stop me from doing things every day. I also try very hard not to let them be my motivator. Fear is an ugly motivation- its effects? War, Poverty, Racism, Homophobia and Celebrity Breakdowns. Seriously. Did you see Katie Holmes lose tons of weight? Pure terror, I swear.

SO this fall, as I begin teaching, commit to running (just typing it made my chest constrict a little) and blogging more often (with a wittier banter, I promise), I commit to you few who read, who laugh with (or even laugh at, hey at least you are reading) and who may feel like me.

Courage is not the absence of fear, merely the choice to overcome it. I am choosing courage. Here we go!


What scares you? Share if you dare!