When life hands you snow...

From the land of the snowed in family...
  My dream of being a mom always included heartwarming memories of sharing my love of the cold, white stuff. Snow, that is. In an ironic twist... every single time it snows, I (snow lover for life!) am stuck inside. There is a baby to be taken care of nearby, or a napping toddler, or worse both- neither of whom is interested in snow. The real pip is my husband loves snow too! And so does our five year old daughter. So there they go to the snow.... while I watch from inside. Sure, I am warm (and chubby!) but my vision is a bit on the vermillion side. I am happy for their fun but I want so much to be a part of it out there... This speaks so much to the whole concept of motherhood for me.
   For me, motherhood means forgoing your wants often for your children. It is pretty simple. All the airlines say it but you know we all do the same thing- you would put the oxygen mask on your child before yourself. HELLO!!! Someone needs oxygen and there is your sweet little bundle... Not complicated.
   I know it is a bit of a stretch to say forgoing my love of snow is like depriving me of oxygen for my children's benefit... but on some days when I am logy from the inside air, let me tell you, IT IS! I feel bad even admitting this. I know some of you rugged bears out there are saying "Hello! Bring the babies out!" Yes, yes... well, not when they are napping or ill or potty training... etc. Some days you get to make a snow man and your eyes are aglow! Some days you are the mom, cleaning furiously before the snow bunnies come back inside, warming up cocoa and taking pictures.
   Motherhood, the great trade-off.

Some of you have mentioned you like me, uh, I mean... my blog. Thank you! Feel free to subscribe and read my drivel as often as I can ...um... drivel it (?)

On a side note, I have just read an AMAZING book rife with the theme of motherhood. Khaled Housseini's "A thousand splendid suns".
 A Thousand Splendid Suns By Hosseini, Khaled (Google Affiliate Ad)

 I cannot stress enough how much it is worth a read!!! I was so inspired by this book, I constructed a Unit (for you teachers, you know how much work that is! Then I found his free lesson plan and was like... DAMNIT! Oh well. Haha.). I also started writing some metz-a-metz poetry again. Feel free to check me out:
allpoetry.com/Poetsoul78

Until next time... enjoy your snow days from wherever you can. These moments are like snow flakes in a hot cast iron pan! See that. I rhymed. I am Mother Freaking Seuss baby! Only without the racist tendencies!

;D

Where everybody knows your name... except the baby

Happy Friday to you all out there!

Remember back in the day when you walked into your favorite Friday night hangout spot, set your bags down and it was all friendly faces and a drink. Well, when you think about it, Moms, not much has changed. Now, I only work part-time right now. I get to be with my girls most of the day. Yet, despite this fact, when I walk in the door, even if I only ran to CVS for ladies' items, those kiddos are happy to see me (yes, I know that someday soon this will change). They may even offer me a sip of their drink. It is a pretty nice feeling. Now, there are plenty of roller coaster moments- this week has not been an easy one, but which week is? The thing is, it is those little moments of joy and smiling faces that make me want to walk outside (and this sounds silly, even back into the bathroom - they have done it, trust me) just so I can hear it all over again.

Now, I know not all of my friends are moms. That is ok. You have the best of both worlds. I am guessing you have friends or family with kiddos. You walk in their house and it is the equivalent of the Beatles' second arrival (oh, please don't tell me you are too young to know what that means!)- it is an awesome thing. Then, after a nice, rousing stay when you have hyped the children up to a ear-splitting level, you still have time to go grab a drink at your favorite spot.... damn.

Well for a second there I was seeing the silver lining. Huh. :D Oh well! Happy Friday anyway! Haha

Positivity, Vomiting and Motherhood

Most of the time, I try to remain affirmative, positive and peppy!
  Please reread that sentence carefully for the loopholes involved. I said "try to remain" but I do not succeed 24/7 or even 12/3.... I would say there are moments of happy in-the-moment positivity couched in the mostly dull, but simultaneously heart-stopping go-Go- GOOOOOO, goddamnit!! Sorry. Mommy didn't mean to say 'goddamnit', dear.

  For example, as I try to write this witty and inspiring blog, I am managing a sick child (my oldest, the Helper who is 5), keeping the middle child (let's call her the Wandering Butterfly, age 3) eating (for the love of god! Why won't she eat ?!?!?!?) and the baby (we call her the Bear, age 1) from escaping her high chair. I am also trying to avoid cleaning while answering phone calls, paying bills and accepting hugs and demands from aforementioned beautiful children... OHMIGOD!!!!

  So I started out wanting to write a beautiful blog inaugurating my research on the history of mothering/motherhood. What I am finding in a cursory search is well... kinda pathetic. (Wince, double wince- once for findings and once for pet peeve use of 'kinda'. What can I say? I am a rule breakin' wannabe English Teacher?)

  Sorry for multiple digressions but these all prove my point, don't they? I remember some good advice, "begin as you mean to go on". Ok, I start my day thinking and hoping "It's going to be a great day!" Sometimes, I admit, I am afraid to hope, but I continue. And Sometimes, sometimes, I get what I get and I don't get upset. And sometimes, I get vomit. Meh. That's motherhood, I guess.

By the by, I think there has never been a true history of motherhood because we are too busy holding back hair on one child while blocking our youngest with our leg from playing in bathroom trash and simultaneously begging the three year old to not watch her sister vomit!

Just a thought.

Check out one of my favorite positive Mom blogs- Michelle Colasante is my hero!!!
This little light

Urinating as retribution... more potty fun!

As anyone who has been in the position (parent, relative, caregiver, etc) to train a small person in the ways and joys of the toilet can tell you, it ain't over til.... well... I can't exactly tell you. See, with potty training there is no end date, no gold star that suddenly appears on your chest or your child's bum or anything spiffy like that. Sometimes, you think the potty lady sang her last hooray song and then... you're in Target and it's a five alarm pooping! Regardless of whether you just put your child on the potty... and she is waiting with a small smile of oddly enough, triumph on her face. Ah yes, the days of "I'm in control now so let's see how fun I can make this" have arrived!

I had hoped with daughter number two, my previous experience, my education background and motherly tendencies it might go a wee (haha) bit smoother this time. After all, daughter number one (oh, I just got that- haha) practically trained herself, I mistakenly recalled in nostalgic moments to myself... MISTAKENLY. Ah, how this jaunt down the yellow brick road, as it were, has reminded me of the heartbreaks I once did experience and now relive with renewed vigor as I race with poo filled underwear to the demands of "Don't throw away Ariel undies, Mommy!" As well as cajoling, encouraging, bribing and slightly bullying this lovely creature to get her bum on requested pink urine/feces receptical "for the love of all that is holy!" I am also supposed to reward her? For pooping?  It is enough to drive me back to my prayers. Hallelujah there is pee IN the potty! Amen, Sweet Jesus the poo was made not in the underwear (or on the floor). Thank the lord we have such crappy looking carpets anyway. Forgive the pun, of course, God.

So, what prompted this Mad Mother (as in Mad Hatter, although my darling husband can attest to the alternative demonstration of the word by yours truly) to foray into tapping keys and sharing my toilet paper roll of funny? I had the fortune of observing my darling Two year old get into a battle Royale with my darling, usually calm and delightfully democratic Husband. He was mind-boggled when she in fact used her pee as revenge.

As usual, we are in disarray as the new school year approaches and all projects have been left to last minute. Dinner being a bit haphazard always means a struggle with our tiny fury. And so it was no surprise that as a power struggle over the last few bites ensued, a parental gauntlet was inadvertently thrown. To our girl's horror and dismay, chocolate rewards were threatened. Tears. Screaming. Hair was tossed. Chocolate was sadly dispatched to the waste basket. And then... she reminded us that she was in control. My husband found her standing in a wet spot, seemingly victorious. ARE YOU KIDDING ME!?!??!

Ah yes, We have reached my favorite phase of potty training. Accidents as parental punishment. She baldly admitted to me this was no accident. Okay.

This is a woman the world needs to watch out for- she will face down the loss of chocolate and then sneakily pee on her own rug in her favorite skirt to let you know- you cannot take it away from her! She will take it away herself! I can't decide whether I should silently applaud or buy some type of insurance... Does Geico sell Parental Insurance?

Please let daughter number three be easier!!! :D

Stay brave and thanks for reading.Boon Potty Bench Training Toilet (Google Affiliate Ad)

"There is no Mommy here"

Today, I have realized that I am EPICALLY FAILING as a Mother. No, really.

5:42am- awake to pee. Check on husband- occupied with Twitter- back away silently. Check on adorable infant... OH GOD!!! The tiny Bear is stirring- ABORT ABORT!!! Back away silently and hope like hell she has not sniffed out my mammaries. Fall asleep to my inner guilty refrain... Bad mommy bad mommy bad mom....zzzzz......

6:12am- forgot to pack husband's lunch! SHIT!!!! Realize this as he gently kisses me goodbye. Half ass slapping of leftovers together and several kids' snacks. He thanks me adoringly... resume inner guilty refrain/mantra... Bad Wifey Bad Wifey... Oh! Coffee!

6:13am- just going to check facebook and email a second....

7:33am- Whuh- oops. Forgot to drink coffee or eat breakfast... Toddler is up. Oh boy.

7:34am- Baby awakes, cooing ever so gently. I go to her room feeling happy- She and I make eye contact and she starts wailing loudly in manner of- MILK MILK MILK- but really she cries and says Boob. She is not even 8 months. Begins crying and squirming in earnest when I attempt to clean her rear of vegetable smelling defecant. After wiping her dry, she pauses and smiles up at me as if to say, "Thanks." Resume loving her and feeling guilty for angry thoughts two seconds ago regarding the option of a third. Bad mommy bad mommy bad mommy...

7:39am- Find Toddler eating my breakfast. What's next? Is my coffee level lower? Please tell me she didn't... Her breath is just muffin so I breathe a sigh of relief. I remind her to please use the potty...

SCREAMING ENSUES- It is an unusual mix of high pitched, loud wailing and whining that makes me wish for a nearby brick wall to abuse my head against....

8:18am- success on potty! Cheering for feces! My life is so strange. Rewards requested. DENIED. Wailing for that many minutes, resorting to screams on both sides (Mommy is ashamed) has now resulted in trip to nearby Mall denied. This behavior cannot be rewarded plus I do not think popping a potty in your stroller is acceptable at a chi-chi mall.

8:25am- NEW PLAN! We have made amends and Mommy is calm. Maybe a park?... Feeding the beasts

8:27am- breakfast finished and children are whining and demanding things. Feeding baby between filling requests and sipping coffee. Have forgotten to eat breakfast. Appetite gone after several meltdowns. Ugh.

9:19am resolved to good day. Had a lovely talk with girls. They are getting ready to leave the house. Yay! Mommy needs toast- Children ungratefully distract Mommy from breakfast...

9:20am- Mommy angrily vacuums after putting children outside to play in backyard. Baby in exersaucer begins to wail when vacuum turns on. This is new but at least I am getting the carpet cleaned.

9:21am- the neighbor girls call. I mutter indelicate thoughts and continue to vacuum though I have been spotted- creepy kid- through our front window. Answer and she is requesting to borrow cooler. Mutter crankily about this being US and coolers being widely available. Hand over cooler with smile.

9:56am- finally leave for park.

9:58am- arrive, wishing we could have walked but needed potty in car for Toddler. Girls playing well. Even make a friend. Going well! Nice Mom begins conversation.

10:13am Ah. Language barrier. Why didn't I learn Portuguese? Damn. Adult conversation ends.

10:32am- large group of children from the nearby Rec Center INVADE playground en masse, followed by very young looking minders. Not really minding children and mistakes my Toddler for a child in her charge. Gets my child seated and ready to paint until snot nosed child next to her points out she is not part of their group. My child gets bumped from painting and we are back to tantrums...

10:45am- everybody finally in the car and Mommy can't go home yet. I JUST CAN'T! Proceed to craft store to get paint to make it all better.

12:00pm- Everyone is glad we have finished in craft store. Managed not to break anything but accidentally bump into four year old and beg her to make it to car before total breakdown.

12:03pm- Two year old announces she wants a new Mommy....

And here is the real EPIC failure. I offer to call her New Mommy and my dramatic four year old is traumatized. My day isn't even half done and already I am DONE.

You politicians and misogynists who claim Stay-at-home-moms don't work have NO CLUE!!!! Is there a high yield Save for Therapy plan at my bank? I am sure my children will need it more than college.