What is a teacher with no students?

So the school year has ended and I have survived. My family unit has survived and I have... A good reference. That's it. Well, I have awesome memories of my time teaching, my students surprising me and great fellow teachers I admire and a few... I am glad to escape. (Shudders)

  Mainly I am left with many unanswered questions. A lot of "what now?" And "what will I do in September?" I know I have plenty of time and all that but I just can't enjoy my summer with my fall in such doubt. Teacher irony right there. 

  My aunt is a great believer in St Anthony. She swears he always helps her. She's on the case to find a job for me. I have over 100 applications out. I have to wonder if the universe is telling me something. My uncle who passed away not that long ago would tell me I am an idiot for doubting myself. I wish he were here to tell me so. 

  And then I think about the way many of my students stay in touch. The way they hoped I had learned my fate before school ended; even the way they actually enjoyed MacBeth- well, some days. I find I am actively editing this as I go, remembering and pestering myself mentally to set a good example as a writer even if this is just my blog. After all, I am an English teacher. If not on staff, then in my soul. 

   The thing is- I always yearned to be a mom. I am. Now I realize how much I absolutely love the torture of being a teacher as well. The frustration of maybe never getting to do that is a physical weight around my brain right now. All decisions are paralyzed as we wait and see... 

What more could I have done for my family? What more could I have done for my students? I wake up thinking these two questions so often, it may have to be the epitaph on my headstone.

Praying for some good news....

2:48 am uh oh

It was a late night at our house- Bruins hockey and Dancing With The Stars... So we got to bed later than usual. 

2:48am.... I was awakened by a smell. A fecal related smell. I heard a distinctive voice calling, "Dadda!!" 

So I did the logical thing.

I sent my husband in there.

It was literally a shit show. 

Oh. My. God.

Not another one!!!! Our beautiful chubby cherub was sporting poop booties and crap mittens- and that is saying nothing of her bed- poop valley. 

Her breath smelled clean.

We were a great team- he took her for a hosing and I did the CSI work cleaning up. Thank god for bleach wipes. 

20 hours later and we have swabbed the decks long ago but I tell you I can still smell the poop. 

So much poop. 

The good side is I learned from a friend that if said cherub accidentally ingested any fecal matter it won't hurt her since it's her own. Not as helpful for the hubby who got a tiny hand shoved in his mouth during the flailing, wailing shower. 

I am keeping a onesie on that kid and my fingers crossed for the hubby. I will keep you posted.

Pretty sure I will wake terrified around 2:30 in the morning and check that kiddo. Gonna take me a while to forget.

Motivation

Oh wisdom you mischievous vixen, you do desert a gal when she needs it most. Ironically, I have been railing at both kin and student alike about motivation lately. "It's the long-term goal, not momentary fun that matters", and now I am looking for my own kick in the pants to get moving so I feel less awful and get all that needs to be done.... Well, done. 

I blame the couch. And pretty much everything else. Damn, I think this one is on me, huh? 

 So what do you do to get motivated? Do tell please, and talk loud so I can hear your wisdom over the Siren song of my couch... Thanks.

It's our day!

Well, ladies, this is it. It's Mother's Day. Yup, we get one day. And as you know, we get adorable cards and homemade gifts, and even breakfast in bed. Growing up, we didn't celebrate any holidays so my Mom's reaction to the morning phone call was, "It's just another day." WHEE!!!
   Here is the thing about that response, there is a kernel of perspective in that anti-fun response to my wishing her a good day. It IS just another day. So many people are appreciative of their moms though they never met, miss their departed moms, and wish they could be moms. For them, this is another day that reminds each of them of what they do not have.
   This does not mean I am advocating for all of us to give up our day, but please keep all of the other friends and family who may be sad on this day in your hearts and phone trees.

Oh, and have a glass of wine when you want. It's MOM O'CLOCK!!!! :D

Good help is hard to find

I am not sure when exactly it happened, but it's official. I have become my own worst nightmare. Is it the 24 hour schedule and grueling chores? Is the inexactitude of the current economic climate? Is it my own chemical compound of crazy and bitch? I don't know but I do know that while I am laboring away trying to maintain "nice mommy", the bitch slipped out the back door and left.

I remember dreaming of being a mom, pining for this like my fat ass now does for flourless chocolate cake. Man, I dreamed and prayed for these sweet, healthy kiddos. So why the hell are they making me so nuts!?!?!?  I have no idea but it could have something to do with the insane pacing with which they arrived one every two years until we now possess three mouthy little cutie-pies with my attitude and their daddy's good looks.

When an old woman- or your own mother- warns you that "Motherhood is a tough job", for pete's sake LISTEN TO THAT BITCH!!!! I am telling you, I am grateful. Recent tragedies prove that you are never grateful enough and you never know when your last day could be so you hold those babies tight. Yeah, yeah, yeah.... I know all this stuff. I feel it. I just can't hold onto it when the five-year-old has burrowed her way into my spot on the bed AGAIN for a potentially fake bad dream and I haven't slept well at all. The baby is demanding food or else, the middle one is crying because lint touched her hair and I still haven't had my damn coffee. And then from the minute they wake up it is go GO GOOOOO!!!!

It is no wonder a good friend of mine vacations alone. I said it. ALONE. The closest thing I have had to a vacation in the last few years is... do trips sans children to the grocery store count?!? I think it could be the tragedy in Boston or the presence of a white hair in my eyebrow or just that time of my cranky mood but I am in need of a margarita and a dance floor!!!!

OK.
I have now blathered on and if you are still reading, maybe you need a margarita. I am now cheersing the screen with my tasteful 6 oz of chardonnay. (clink) Listen, all of the things that people warn you about motherhood... they are true. It is the hardest job ever. You will NEVER be paid. Most times you are so run down and tired you forget to put on deoderant or change the pants covered in baby yogurt. You will laugh one minute and cry the next, sometimes for no good reason. You will love and loathe the children and hate yourself for it all. You may think it isn't your style and that I am crazy. Yes, dear, I did admit that. The one thing I am, is brutally honest. Motherhood is NOT for the faint of heart. You better love your husband a great deal and be "on the same page" or you will HATE this experience. You will need good friends to drag you away and force stupid manicures on hands that will be ruined within hours from baby vomit, dish soap or just your own general clumsiness. You will cry when you see Dove's beauty campaign commercials and become overly sentimental anytime you see a child is lost or killed. You will look at your single or childless or woman-with-less-children-than-you counterpart and think... bitch.

So why WHY WHYYYYY do we keep allowing our uteruses to become peopled? I don't know. My husband is extremely attractive and I can't seem to keep my legs together in the early spring. Whatever your reason is, do yourself and your fellow sisters a favor. Stop judging. Don't look at me when I am scolding my adorable three year old at the park and think, "Oh, I am so much better than that psycho." You aren't. We both know that. Don't be a bad single friend who never offers free babysitting. Having kids makes you poor. And we marrieds need a break.

And mothers,please, stop feeling superior. We are badly dressed, largely unwashed, seriously cranky masses. Quit pretending to be 17 when your skin tells the truth. We are over 30. We are not our young selves. Get comfortable in that stretched out skin, chica. It fits much better. Have a glass of wine- I find it makes the wrinkles blur a bit. :D

Be kind to each other and yourself. And Just keep trying to do better. You are doing a good job already.

Uh, okay. That was a pep talk to myself. Hope you enjoyed.

Sh$! I say to my kids...

Without any preamble or context.. Here are ten good ones...

"Don't put your mouth on your sister's poopy diaper!"

"Where did you get that? We haven't been to McDs in weeks!!! (Honest.)

"I said you couldn't color on your body, and that includes your sister too!!"

"Does that taste like poop? No? Then eat it!"

"Your new mommy will be here any second. I am calling her right now!!!"

"If you are thirsty, suck on your own spit."(Courtesy of my own mother. Perhaps she inherited this goody as well?)

"Don't touch your vagina without washing your hands!"

"Don't rub my sunglasses on your vagina!"

"Where is the baby?!?!" (Hiding right next to me. Dang butt.

"You like it here so much, you can live here. Bye!" (At babysrus, she called my bluff.)

This is only the first edition... You're welcome. :)

Is anything still good for you?

Sitting here, watching two very sick girls struggle through stomach aches and the pukes and I am wondering wtf? I am reasonably sure this is a reaction to a flouride treatment insisted on at the dentist. We have struggled all winter to fight off cold, pneumonia, RSV, stomach bug, etc so I have seen sick kids. This seems different. Their stomachs hurt and they are throwing up just foam. Sorry for the gross out. The baby did not get the treatment and is fine, btw. I googled flouride side effects and was not happy. As a mother, I want my kids to have clean, rot-free teeth but now I have discovered that flouride is toxic in elevated levels. Toxic?!? And they put it in drinking water?!? Milk?!? Juice!?!? Bottled water?!? What am I supposed to give my girls? Toothpaste is a whole other craziness. I am beyond frustrated. I know, I know you are not entertained by this blog. Usually I am funnier. I got nothing sister. Up since 3 am holding back hair watching two girls writhe in pain, vomit, moan, cry and doze? Yeah, there is funny in there but I am not ready with a laugh yet.
Oh! And I called the dentist. She said it was unusual and they would make a note Of it. Uh, thanks? What good does that do? I asked them to skip it and they acted like I was crazy and insisted on it. Best thing is I got overcharged because our insurance doesn't cover it.
Sounds like complaining, you say? Yeah it might but what I really want to know is why do we accept this? This broken system that treats us and mistreats us- overcharges us and misdiagnoses us constantly. This is insanity!!! I am looking for an exit door to this sick repetition! What's the definition of insanity?
Doing something over and over, expecting a different outcome. Yup. Done with that.
Bring on the alternatives, please.

Just keep swimming....

Today is not an easy day for me to be funny. It's the one year anniversary of losing a beloved uncle and friend. I also just found out I was passed on for a teaching position- AGAIN. Today all I want to do is lay in bed, moan vaguely and eat chocolates (well, first I would have to buy some... oh look! some chocolate chips. Nevermind.) and cry about my life. Frankly, with how sick the girls and I have been, and how little work my husband has had, I could do just that and no one would say anything to my face and might just feel bad for me behind my back. BUT (and I know you don't start a sentence with BUT, but this is a blog! Informal writing! Chill.) I saw an inspirational quote on Facebook, ah Facebook you evil time-sucking site that I love, and the great Jane Austen sums it up.

"Those who do not complain are never pitied." -Jane Austen

Yup, that sums up how I feel. I DO NOT want pity. There are so many people out there today who are suffering in ways that are unfair and unimaginable and I am sad for some pretty silly reasons. So no complaints. And no pity. 

This girl is making lemonade, baby! 

  and finally....

Spoken like a true lady.

Go out there and kick some ass today, Ladies!
It doesn't hurt that it's Friday, either.

 

When life hands you snow...

From the land of the snowed in family...
  My dream of being a mom always included heartwarming memories of sharing my love of the cold, white stuff. Snow, that is. In an ironic twist... every single time it snows, I (snow lover for life!) am stuck inside. There is a baby to be taken care of nearby, or a napping toddler, or worse both- neither of whom is interested in snow. The real pip is my husband loves snow too! And so does our five year old daughter. So there they go to the snow.... while I watch from inside. Sure, I am warm (and chubby!) but my vision is a bit on the vermillion side. I am happy for their fun but I want so much to be a part of it out there... This speaks so much to the whole concept of motherhood for me.
   For me, motherhood means forgoing your wants often for your children. It is pretty simple. All the airlines say it but you know we all do the same thing- you would put the oxygen mask on your child before yourself. HELLO!!! Someone needs oxygen and there is your sweet little bundle... Not complicated.
   I know it is a bit of a stretch to say forgoing my love of snow is like depriving me of oxygen for my children's benefit... but on some days when I am logy from the inside air, let me tell you, IT IS! I feel bad even admitting this. I know some of you rugged bears out there are saying "Hello! Bring the babies out!" Yes, yes... well, not when they are napping or ill or potty training... etc. Some days you get to make a snow man and your eyes are aglow! Some days you are the mom, cleaning furiously before the snow bunnies come back inside, warming up cocoa and taking pictures.
   Motherhood, the great trade-off.

Some of you have mentioned you like me, uh, I mean... my blog. Thank you! Feel free to subscribe and read my drivel as often as I can ...um... drivel it (?)

On a side note, I have just read an AMAZING book rife with the theme of motherhood. Khaled Housseini's "A thousand splendid suns".
 A Thousand Splendid Suns By Hosseini, Khaled (Google Affiliate Ad)

 I cannot stress enough how much it is worth a read!!! I was so inspired by this book, I constructed a Unit (for you teachers, you know how much work that is! Then I found his free lesson plan and was like... DAMNIT! Oh well. Haha.). I also started writing some metz-a-metz poetry again. Feel free to check me out:
allpoetry.com/Poetsoul78

Until next time... enjoy your snow days from wherever you can. These moments are like snow flakes in a hot cast iron pan! See that. I rhymed. I am Mother Freaking Seuss baby! Only without the racist tendencies!

;D

Where everybody knows your name... except the baby

Happy Friday to you all out there!

Remember back in the day when you walked into your favorite Friday night hangout spot, set your bags down and it was all friendly faces and a drink. Well, when you think about it, Moms, not much has changed. Now, I only work part-time right now. I get to be with my girls most of the day. Yet, despite this fact, when I walk in the door, even if I only ran to CVS for ladies' items, those kiddos are happy to see me (yes, I know that someday soon this will change). They may even offer me a sip of their drink. It is a pretty nice feeling. Now, there are plenty of roller coaster moments- this week has not been an easy one, but which week is? The thing is, it is those little moments of joy and smiling faces that make me want to walk outside (and this sounds silly, even back into the bathroom - they have done it, trust me) just so I can hear it all over again.

Now, I know not all of my friends are moms. That is ok. You have the best of both worlds. I am guessing you have friends or family with kiddos. You walk in their house and it is the equivalent of the Beatles' second arrival (oh, please don't tell me you are too young to know what that means!)- it is an awesome thing. Then, after a nice, rousing stay when you have hyped the children up to a ear-splitting level, you still have time to go grab a drink at your favorite spot.... damn.

Well for a second there I was seeing the silver lining. Huh. :D Oh well! Happy Friday anyway! Haha

Positivity, Vomiting and Motherhood

Most of the time, I try to remain affirmative, positive and peppy!
  Please reread that sentence carefully for the loopholes involved. I said "try to remain" but I do not succeed 24/7 or even 12/3.... I would say there are moments of happy in-the-moment positivity couched in the mostly dull, but simultaneously heart-stopping go-Go- GOOOOOO, goddamnit!! Sorry. Mommy didn't mean to say 'goddamnit', dear.

  For example, as I try to write this witty and inspiring blog, I am managing a sick child (my oldest, the Helper who is 5), keeping the middle child (let's call her the Wandering Butterfly, age 3) eating (for the love of god! Why won't she eat ?!?!?!?) and the baby (we call her the Bear, age 1) from escaping her high chair. I am also trying to avoid cleaning while answering phone calls, paying bills and accepting hugs and demands from aforementioned beautiful children... OHMIGOD!!!!

  So I started out wanting to write a beautiful blog inaugurating my research on the history of mothering/motherhood. What I am finding in a cursory search is well... kinda pathetic. (Wince, double wince- once for findings and once for pet peeve use of 'kinda'. What can I say? I am a rule breakin' wannabe English Teacher?)

  Sorry for multiple digressions but these all prove my point, don't they? I remember some good advice, "begin as you mean to go on". Ok, I start my day thinking and hoping "It's going to be a great day!" Sometimes, I admit, I am afraid to hope, but I continue. And Sometimes, sometimes, I get what I get and I don't get upset. And sometimes, I get vomit. Meh. That's motherhood, I guess.

By the by, I think there has never been a true history of motherhood because we are too busy holding back hair on one child while blocking our youngest with our leg from playing in bathroom trash and simultaneously begging the three year old to not watch her sister vomit!

Just a thought.

Check out one of my favorite positive Mom blogs- Michelle Colasante is my hero!!!
This little light