Sh$! I say to my kids...

Without any preamble or context.. Here are ten good ones...

"Don't put your mouth on your sister's poopy diaper!"

"Where did you get that? We haven't been to McDs in weeks!!! (Honest.)

"I said you couldn't color on your body, and that includes your sister too!!"

"Does that taste like poop? No? Then eat it!"

"Your new mommy will be here any second. I am calling her right now!!!"

"If you are thirsty, suck on your own spit."(Courtesy of my own mother. Perhaps she inherited this goody as well?)

"Don't touch your vagina without washing your hands!"

"Don't rub my sunglasses on your vagina!"

"Where is the baby?!?!" (Hiding right next to me. Dang butt.

"You like it here so much, you can live here. Bye!" (At babysrus, she called my bluff.)

This is only the first edition... You're welcome. :)

Is anything still good for you?

Sitting here, watching two very sick girls struggle through stomach aches and the pukes and I am wondering wtf? I am reasonably sure this is a reaction to a flouride treatment insisted on at the dentist. We have struggled all winter to fight off cold, pneumonia, RSV, stomach bug, etc so I have seen sick kids. This seems different. Their stomachs hurt and they are throwing up just foam. Sorry for the gross out. The baby did not get the treatment and is fine, btw. I googled flouride side effects and was not happy. As a mother, I want my kids to have clean, rot-free teeth but now I have discovered that flouride is toxic in elevated levels. Toxic?!? And they put it in drinking water?!? Milk?!? Juice!?!? Bottled water?!? What am I supposed to give my girls? Toothpaste is a whole other craziness. I am beyond frustrated. I know, I know you are not entertained by this blog. Usually I am funnier. I got nothing sister. Up since 3 am holding back hair watching two girls writhe in pain, vomit, moan, cry and doze? Yeah, there is funny in there but I am not ready with a laugh yet.
Oh! And I called the dentist. She said it was unusual and they would make a note Of it. Uh, thanks? What good does that do? I asked them to skip it and they acted like I was crazy and insisted on it. Best thing is I got overcharged because our insurance doesn't cover it.
Sounds like complaining, you say? Yeah it might but what I really want to know is why do we accept this? This broken system that treats us and mistreats us- overcharges us and misdiagnoses us constantly. This is insanity!!! I am looking for an exit door to this sick repetition! What's the definition of insanity?
Doing something over and over, expecting a different outcome. Yup. Done with that.
Bring on the alternatives, please.

Just keep swimming....

Today is not an easy day for me to be funny. It's the one year anniversary of losing a beloved uncle and friend. I also just found out I was passed on for a teaching position- AGAIN. Today all I want to do is lay in bed, moan vaguely and eat chocolates (well, first I would have to buy some... oh look! some chocolate chips. Nevermind.) and cry about my life. Frankly, with how sick the girls and I have been, and how little work my husband has had, I could do just that and no one would say anything to my face and might just feel bad for me behind my back. BUT (and I know you don't start a sentence with BUT, but this is a blog! Informal writing! Chill.) I saw an inspirational quote on Facebook, ah Facebook you evil time-sucking site that I love, and the great Jane Austen sums it up.

"Those who do not complain are never pitied." -Jane Austen

Yup, that sums up how I feel. I DO NOT want pity. There are so many people out there today who are suffering in ways that are unfair and unimaginable and I am sad for some pretty silly reasons. So no complaints. And no pity. 

This girl is making lemonade, baby! 

  and finally....

Spoken like a true lady.

Go out there and kick some ass today, Ladies!
It doesn't hurt that it's Friday, either.

 

When life hands you snow...

From the land of the snowed in family...
  My dream of being a mom always included heartwarming memories of sharing my love of the cold, white stuff. Snow, that is. In an ironic twist... every single time it snows, I (snow lover for life!) am stuck inside. There is a baby to be taken care of nearby, or a napping toddler, or worse both- neither of whom is interested in snow. The real pip is my husband loves snow too! And so does our five year old daughter. So there they go to the snow.... while I watch from inside. Sure, I am warm (and chubby!) but my vision is a bit on the vermillion side. I am happy for their fun but I want so much to be a part of it out there... This speaks so much to the whole concept of motherhood for me.
   For me, motherhood means forgoing your wants often for your children. It is pretty simple. All the airlines say it but you know we all do the same thing- you would put the oxygen mask on your child before yourself. HELLO!!! Someone needs oxygen and there is your sweet little bundle... Not complicated.
   I know it is a bit of a stretch to say forgoing my love of snow is like depriving me of oxygen for my children's benefit... but on some days when I am logy from the inside air, let me tell you, IT IS! I feel bad even admitting this. I know some of you rugged bears out there are saying "Hello! Bring the babies out!" Yes, yes... well, not when they are napping or ill or potty training... etc. Some days you get to make a snow man and your eyes are aglow! Some days you are the mom, cleaning furiously before the snow bunnies come back inside, warming up cocoa and taking pictures.
   Motherhood, the great trade-off.

Some of you have mentioned you like me, uh, I mean... my blog. Thank you! Feel free to subscribe and read my drivel as often as I can ...um... drivel it (?)

On a side note, I have just read an AMAZING book rife with the theme of motherhood. Khaled Housseini's "A thousand splendid suns".
 A Thousand Splendid Suns By Hosseini, Khaled (Google Affiliate Ad)

 I cannot stress enough how much it is worth a read!!! I was so inspired by this book, I constructed a Unit (for you teachers, you know how much work that is! Then I found his free lesson plan and was like... DAMNIT! Oh well. Haha.). I also started writing some metz-a-metz poetry again. Feel free to check me out:
allpoetry.com/Poetsoul78

Until next time... enjoy your snow days from wherever you can. These moments are like snow flakes in a hot cast iron pan! See that. I rhymed. I am Mother Freaking Seuss baby! Only without the racist tendencies!

;D

Where everybody knows your name... except the baby

Happy Friday to you all out there!

Remember back in the day when you walked into your favorite Friday night hangout spot, set your bags down and it was all friendly faces and a drink. Well, when you think about it, Moms, not much has changed. Now, I only work part-time right now. I get to be with my girls most of the day. Yet, despite this fact, when I walk in the door, even if I only ran to CVS for ladies' items, those kiddos are happy to see me (yes, I know that someday soon this will change). They may even offer me a sip of their drink. It is a pretty nice feeling. Now, there are plenty of roller coaster moments- this week has not been an easy one, but which week is? The thing is, it is those little moments of joy and smiling faces that make me want to walk outside (and this sounds silly, even back into the bathroom - they have done it, trust me) just so I can hear it all over again.

Now, I know not all of my friends are moms. That is ok. You have the best of both worlds. I am guessing you have friends or family with kiddos. You walk in their house and it is the equivalent of the Beatles' second arrival (oh, please don't tell me you are too young to know what that means!)- it is an awesome thing. Then, after a nice, rousing stay when you have hyped the children up to a ear-splitting level, you still have time to go grab a drink at your favorite spot.... damn.

Well for a second there I was seeing the silver lining. Huh. :D Oh well! Happy Friday anyway! Haha